Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
