batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Two words: nipple clamps
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