your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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