I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
