Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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