That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
