i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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