Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize