Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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