I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I look better un-naked...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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