you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
