I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
