I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
