Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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