i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
