whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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