I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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