sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
