It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
