i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
