It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
