I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
