My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Operation Purity has been aborted
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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