sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
