WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
