I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
