I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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