i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
