Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
