the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
