if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
third nipple confirmed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
