In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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