she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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