How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
