you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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