SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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