So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
