i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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