i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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