nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
