Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
