hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
