I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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