So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
