I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize