He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
