I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
