So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
40s are totally the cure
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
