Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
