I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
