just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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