And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
