I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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