Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
