Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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