you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know her cup size but not her name....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
