so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
