I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
