My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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