Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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