I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When did angry sex become our thing?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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