i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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