Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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