She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
