Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i came on her dog
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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