It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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