I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
