I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bring me that man meat
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
