he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
