Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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