You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
